saying no Archives - Della Temple

Moving Through Resistance

25 June, 2014 — Posted in: Simplicity Leave a Comment

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This month we are looking at the energy of simplicity. How to lead a simple life, with less stress and less shoulds. As we remove the busyness and replace it with activities that feed our soul, we flourish. We become more of who we are meant to be.

But it’s not easy to leave the old ways. Saying no to the shoulds of life is difficult; it’s so easy to slip back into old habits. Therefore, I would like to offer some suggestions on how to make new behaviors stick.

Anytime we move from where-we-are to where-we-want-to-be, we feel resistance. It is almost as if the status quo has a magnetic force of its own. If this force is stronger than our desire to make a change, we fall back into alignment with where-we-were-before—and all our hard work, all our new ways, are forgotten. We return to the womb of comfort and security and rationalize away our attempted growth.

We don’t want that to happen. Anytime you get that nagging feeling that a new behavior (especially learning to say no) is too much, too difficult, too unsettling, ask yourself whose voice is in your head. It could be your mother’s voice, or your partner’s voice. Once you have named that voice, use your tools to remove that energy from your space. Tap on the story, or put the voice in a rose and blow up the rose.

Say to that voice, “Oh, I know you. You are the voice trying to keep me small. I think I’ve outgrown the need for your protection now, so please leave me alone.” If you feel resistance in your space, sit with that resistance in meditation. Ask it to tell you its name and why it is in your life. You might be surprised by what you hear.

In the next exercise, I suggest a way to visualize your feelings as colors and how to retain the colors that represent your best self while allowing colors that don’t support you to drain away.

Exercise: Colorful Soap Bubbles

Think of one of the changes that you are having a hard time making stick. Maybe you said no to attending your son’s out-of-town soccer game yesterday, but today you are about to pick up the phone and change your “no” to a “yes.” Or maybe you thought you were committed to simplifying your life, but now you’ve hit an obstacle and your enthusiasm is waning. Whatever situation you find yourself in, it’s possible to use your intuition to remove any energy blocks preventing you from living your life your way. Let’s remove that resistance so that you can stay on the path you’ve chosen.

Sit in silence, with your eyes closed. Be in the center of your head, grounded to the earth. If you need to review how to set up your meditation space, [here’s the post]. Allow yourself a moment to settle. Become relaxed and comfortable, and take a couple of deep breaths. On each inhale, feel more of your own energy coming into the center of your head. On each exhale, feel the stresses of the day, the foreign energy, leave your body and travel back down to the earth. Sink a little deeper in your chair as you come into alignment with the in-and-out motion of centering and grounding.
Now think of the change you would like to make and the resistance you feel to making that change permanent. Maybe you’ve said no to something and now you want to change your no back to a yes. For example, let’s assume that you have decided to not attend your son’s away soccer game this weekend. You’ve said no, but you’re just about to change your no back to a yes.
As you sit in meditation, imagine the bubble representing your situation in front of you. See it filled with color. If you cannot see it clearly, don’t worry; just imagine what it would be like if you could see it. Relax and allow your imagination to flow. You might have a sense of just knowing or imagining colors. Relax and go with it.
Let’s say that as you bring the bubble representing your decision to not attend the soccer game into focus, you notice that it is filled with a mixture of dark blue and chaotic-looking gray. You can’t see anything else because these two colors are so dominate. You might ask yourself what all of this means; thoughts might float through your mind. Don’t discount those thoughts. They are real. Maybe the dark blue represents “should” energy to you, and the chaotic gray symbolizes being overwhelmed by guilt.
As you come to understand the energy surrounding your situation, decide if you’d like to change its vibration. Wasn’t this saying no instead of yes supposed to lead to simplifying life?
In order to change the dynamics of the energies, put a grounding cord on your bubble. Imagine a large, hollow tube with one end attached to the bubble and other end attached to the center of the earth. Allow this grounding cord to drain out all the dark, not-you colors from your bubble. Watch as seriousness, effort, and guilt flow down the grounding cord and leave your bubble.
Once it’s drained of all those dark, hard-to-see-through colors, fill your “saying no and meaning it” bubble with more light and playful colors. Lighten up! Give yourself room to feel good about doing something for yourself – fill in with joy and self-acceptance. Watch your bubble fill in with your chosen colors, and feel the calmness spread into your body and mind.
Remove the grounding cord and allow the bubble to float off into the ether.
When you are ready, come out of meditation.

You’ve changed the dynamics of your situation by changing its energetic vibration. Check in with your thoughts and feelings and ask yourself if you feel any differently towards the situation.

Anytime you find yourself fighting with the energy of resistance, step into meditation and examine that energy.

This is using your intuition to remove any resistance to moving into new states of being. Congratulate yourself. You’ve just learned a really cool way to remove the blocks to living life the way you want to: simplified, yet full of events that satisfy your own priorities, not someone else’s.

Please share the love! Thanks for reading, and if this post resonated with you, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet helps me reach more women who crave support in being as kind to themselves as they are to others. So glad you’re here!

The Art of Saying No

15 June, 2014 — Posted in: Simplicity Leave a Comment

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As you may have realized from the previous post, if you are to prune any activities from your busy overly scheduled life, you need to learn the art of saying “no.” And yes, saying no is an art! It’s all about coming from your own heart, not leaking your energy out to others in shoulds and must-do’s.

For most of us, this is still a difficult assignment. Practicing in front of a mirror might make it easier. Say to yourself, “You know I’d love to help out with this project, but I just can’t. I’m way overbooked.” Or, “Gee, I’m so sorry, but I can’t take that on right now.” Period … end of sentence. You do not need to justify why you can’t, you just need to say no. Leave no doubt, no room for maneuvering. You want to be clear in your no while coming from a place of compassion and honesty.

Removing the energy blocks from your voice and throat will help too. As you say “no,” imagine the words flowing out of your throat in crystal-clear color, surrounded by warmth, honesty, and clarity. Saying no with clarity and gentleness allows you to stand in your own power.

Practice saying no. Write about your experiences. Validate your clarity, your strength, and the compassion you hold for yourself. Make your no stick. Make it permanent. Make it definitive. Come from your heart and mean it. No going back.

A well-known proverb says, “All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.” Pruning your list of activities will result in new growth. New ways of being. New opportunities to be more of who you were meant to be. Weeding out the activities and shoulds that are not in alignment with your essence will allow you room to breathe. To think. To listen. To be present in the now.

So practice saying no. Practice standing in your own power and not leaking it to someone else. Know that as you prune back to the essentials—to the activities that are in alignment with your internal wisdom—you will blossom. Make room in your life for you.

As with any difficult assignment, validate your progress. Make a list of all those shoulds that you are ready to let go of. Write them all down. Look at this list as you plan your calendar for the next few weeks. Rejoice in your ability to set your own agenda.

If you want to learn more, then Join Us in learning more and delving deeper. In addition to the information here on the blog, twice a month I send out exclusive information about how to grow your intuition and live an authentic life. We delve into the month’s topic in a deeper way and I always include a special mediation designed around the topic at hand. Find your own true path to a life of prosperity and abundance. Join Us!

Crazy Busy

11 June, 2014 — Posted in: Simplicity Leave a Comment

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As we delve into the topic of living a life full of simplicity, it’s time to address your to-do list. Those activities that keep you busy, busy, busy.

Brene Brown talks about wearing our busyness as a badge of honor. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brown suggests that our culture has become one which equates being busy with being important. “One of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy… We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”

This fear-based strategy causes us to hide behind our active to-do list and not look too deeply into the inner recesses of our hearts.

We are afraid of what we might see deep down there in our space of inner knowingness.

We are afraid that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not whatever-you-want enough.

Are you too busy hiding behind the mask of activities to discover who-you-really-are and why you are here on this earth?

Is the focus of our lives to rush from one activity to another? To take our kids from one after school activity to another, every single day?

What happened to quiet time? Time to think, time to chill, time to quiet the mind and listen to our heart’s desires?

Try it. Try simplifying your life so that you have time. Time to breathe, time to notice the flowers in the garden, time to sit with an ailing parent, time to be present in your life.

Brené invites us to ask the following questions. “Are my choices comforting and nourishing my spirit, or are they temporary reprieves from vulnerability and difficult emotions, ultimately diminishing my spirit? Are my choices leading my Wholeheartedness, or do they leave me feeling empty and searching?”

My request to you this summer day: Sit on the porch with a glass of lemonade and just look around. Think of your to-do list; not with the idea of what you will accomplish tomorrow – no. Look at it as you ask yourself this question, ‘Is this activity nourishing my soul?

In future posts we will look at the art of saying no (yes, it is an art!) and a simple way to make changes stick. But for now – become aware of whether you are living a Wholehearted life and, if not, what changes you might like to make.

Please Share! If you are enjoying our summertime series on simplicity then consider sharing this post on your social media sites. It’s time to spread the word that crazy busy is not the only way to be! Love and Blessings – from me to you.

Simplify, simplify, simplify

7 June, 2014 — Posted in: Simplicity Leave a Comment

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.“ Hans Hofmann

This time of year is always a reflective period for me. There’s something about wearing shorts and tees instead of jeans and sweaters; going on vacation, even if it means staying at home and just relaxing. Maybe it’s the flip flops and sandals or the bare feet that give me a sense of freedom and joy.

I’ve often thought, “Why can’t it be like this all year long?” Well maybe it can be. It’s true that the clothes we wear are determined by the seasons, but not our state of mind or our busyness.

What about you? Have you thought about how to simplify down to a “summertime” feel all year long?

The following exercise allows you to hear your soul level desires – it allows the necessary to speak.

Take out a sheet of paper and at the top write: “Things I want to be, do or have in the coming year”. (If you did this exercise last month in our series on manifesting, then use that list).

See if you can come up with at least 75 items. Examples are: I want to be happier, I want to go to the ocean this summer or I want to buy a new car this year. Don’t get too hung up on whether an item is realistic or not, just write it down – FAST! That’s the key; don’t censor, just write.

When you are finished, look at your list and ask yourself “Why do I want to do, be or have this? What underlying need does it satisfy?

As an example, one client wrote that she wanted to take her kids to the beach for a weekend. When she thought about the underlying purpose behind the statement she came up with “TO BE a great mother”.

Also on her list was to rent a summer house on the lake. She discovered that the underlying need or purpose was TO BE tranquil and relaxed in her surroundings.

These themes are very important. They are your core needs and desires. Circle all the themes that resonate.

Now, spend a few days thinking about your themes. What do they say about what’s missing in your life? Do you see that your themes and desires are sometimes not satisfied by acquiring more “stuff”?

You don’t need to take your kids on a fancy vacation to be a great mother. You can satisfy that need in many other ways. Ways that are simpler, easier, less stress-filled, and probably quite a bit cheaper!

And, you can satisfy the need to feel relaxed and tranquil in many different ways. One of them may be to rent a summer house on the lake – but that’s not the only way to satisfy that need. Think deeply – go down to the core and really think about what’s behind the want.

Could it be that tending your garden would also satisfy that need? What about buying a hammock and spending your Saturday afternoons reading and dozing? Or having a dinner party for some close friends?

Delve below, into the sacred ground of the necessary and hear what your soul has to say. You may find that your need to acquire the things is no longer important.

Join us in learning more and delving deeper. Twice a month I send out exclusive information, not covered here on the blog, about how to grow your intuition and live a life full of purpose and meaning. We delve into the month’s topic in a deeper way and I always include a special mediation designed around the topic at hand. Find your own true path to a life of prosperity and abundance. Join Us!

Summertime Simplicity

3 June, 2014 — Posted in: Simplicity Leave a Comment

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Summertime is here with its softness and carefree spirit. It’s a time for relaxation and simplicity.

Think about paring down your life to the essentials. Just for the now of summer.

Yesterday I looked in my kitchen cabinet and was amazed at all the casserole dishes and pie plates I had accumulated. Where did they all come from? I looked into a drawer chock full of rubber spatulas, mixing spoons, salad tongs, and “essential” odds and ends. Do I really need 5 different spatulas? Won’t one or two do the trick?

I put three of those spatulas away for the summer. I didn’t toss them in the trash or give them to Goodwill. I just removed them from the kitchen and sent them on “summer break” to a box in the basement. If I really need them, I know where to find them; but for now, it’s simplify, simplify, simplify.

I find that I want to breathe into the newly acquired empty space, capturing the essence of ease and simplicity residing there. I notice how much lighter I feel just by cleaning out that one kitchen drawer.

I’m not going to do a major spring cleaning.

That’s work.

This is summer.

Ease and relaxation are the order of the day. But I am going to keep an empty box close by and toss my odds and ends into that box as the weeks goes by.

This month I’d like to bring our time and attention to the topic of simplicity. Simplicity in all things –kitchen drawers, to-do lists, food, you name it.

I want to lead a simplified life this summer, paring down the list of activities, and learning to say no to all but the essentials.

I want time to just “be” this summer. Not do – just be.

I want an uncluttered house and an uncluttered mind!

Clearing out a kitchen drawer is something we know how to do, but clearing out the clutter in our minds requires a different set of tools. I’ve learned that effort doesn’t work. Scrunching my shoulders, digging deep, furrowing my brow and using my “will power” to tame my inner critic is useless! The inner critic just laughs at my effort and keeps chirping away.

But – if I maintain a sense of lightness and ease, a summertime feeling of play and simplicity, the energy moves out and the inner critic quiets down. Think, “Oh I hear you, inner critic. You’re the voice in my head that I’ve outgrown. What you are saying is a story that is no longer true. I want something new.”

No effort, no drama, no hunched shoulders, no “pushing” the energy out of your head. Just lightness and ease. Put the energy, the thoughts and feelings of your inner critic, in a rose and then blow up the rose. Stomp on it, tap it out or just send it down your grounding cord, never to return.

Simplicity and ease. Awareness and intent. That’s my summertime mantra.

What about you?