When we stand in judgment of another person, we send out a vibration of non-acceptance. We do not see them as they are, right now, in present time. Instead, we hold an expectation, a judgment, of how they should be, what they should say, how they should react.
In addition, when they do not live up to our expectation, we judge them as being wrong, or uncaring, or as not having our same values. We invalidate them. We do not see them for who they are, we see them as we think they should be.
We all know what that energy feels like. When someone throws some invalidation energy our way, it reduces us, making us feel small and unworthy. The type of energy we send out into the world is reflected back to us, just like a boomerang. If we send out judgment energy, we will get judgment energy thrown back in our direction. If we surround ourselves with our internal dialogue of invalidation, criticism, and self-judgment, we will attract more of that energy into our space.
The key is to love ourselves for who we are right now, warts and all. As we treat ourselves, so will other people treat us. If we accept ourselves for who we are right here, right now, then we stand in a vibration of non-judgment. Holding the thought of compassion, for others and ourselves, as we allow people to be who they are without expectation, is living a life from a state of mindfulness.
Try this the next time you find yourself face to face with an angry or judgmental person.
Exercise: The Separation Rose: A Mindfulness Tool
1. When you are speaking with a person who is angry or judgmental, instead of jumping into the conversation with rebuttals and objections, first pause and breathe. Bring all your awareness back into your body, into the center of your head. This space of internal awareness allows you to center and react from a space of mindfulness. Breathe and pause.
2. Now, become aware of your body sensations. How do you feel as this person is speaking angry words? Are you breathing faster, are you emotionally triggered? You may be thinking of all the things you want to say when it’s your turn to speak.
3. Before you speak, there are a couple of mindfulness tools that you can use to deflect some of the angry energy that is coming your way. First of all, be sure that your grounding cord is in place, offering you support and security as you begin to engage in the conversation.
4. Next, put up a separation rose. See a large rose the size of your body out in front of your eyes. See this rose occupying the space between you and the other person. This rose gives you a little distance from your angry friend.
5. Ask that rose to collect up all the harsh criticism and judgment energy. See the person in front of you talking right into your rose. See them speaking to the rose, not to you. Stand in mindfulness, fully present, without resistance, and just watch as the rose fills up with the person’s words. Watch from a distance and stay neutral. Just experience watching your rose do its work.
You might not even hear what the other person is saying because you are watching the colors of the words. Yes, words have colors! See what you see, notice what you notice, and be aware of the energy bypassing your aura. Watch and be in non-judgment.
This exercise of pausing, breathing, grounding, and separating allows you to gain a little distance from the energy of the conversation. When it’s your turn to speak, speak from your heart, with compassion. This is engaging mindfully.
If you want more information on the separation rose and other energy tools, download the first three chapters of the upcoming book: Tame Your Inner Critic. Learn to ground, blow roses, and tap out the energies that are keeping you from living a life full of joy and purpose. Join us in learning more and delving deeper.