Shining Bright

28 February, 2014 — Posted in: How To Tame Your Inner Critic Leave a Comment

Shining bright is standing tall and strong amid the arrows of criticism and judgement others shoot your way. Stand in your truth – shine bright as a beacon for others to follow.

“People who don’t feel good about themselves feel even worse when those around them do well. When they say, “Who does she think she is?” what they really mean is ‘How dare she exceed the expectation of who I think she should be?’…’Who does she think she is’ also translates to ‘Who do I think I’m not? ~Oprah

As we’ve worked on taming our inner critic this month I hope you’ve come to appreciate the wonderful person that you are. We are all parts of the Divine. And as we are – as we think and feel – we radiate that aspect of the Divine into the world.

Peeling away the layers of what others think you should be is an ongoing process. You probably haven’t cleared away all the junk, but I bet you’ve made progress. Each day is a new opportunity to tune into the Divine nature of who you are and allow that to shine forth.

Do not be defined by what others think you should be. Be defined by who you know yourself to be.

Self Acceptance is the Key

25 February, 2014 — Posted in: How To Tame Your Inner Critic Leave a Comment

My inner critic used to be very loud and pretty much ran my life. It told me I couldn’t do many of the things I really wanted to do, that I was too small, too unprepared, too opinionated, or just not good enough. This voice told me that I needed to change, that I wasn’t good enough just as I was. I had grown so used to the incessant negativity that I really believed I was deficient in some way.

But not anymore!

I have tamed my inner critic and you can, too. I have found the peace and contentment I craved. I know that I’m fine just the way I am—no, I’m better than I ever expected to be!

I listen to a new voice now, one that fills me with love, compassion, and gentleness. I am comfortable in my own skin, (finally!!) liking all parts of me, even those not-so-perfect parts. As a result, the relationship I have with myself and with others has blossomed. This voice is my Spirit, my true essence talking directly to me. By listening to this new voice, I am now expressing my unique life purpose and living the life I was meant to live.

How did I do it? This month we are focusing on the tools that I used to clear the energy of others from my space. I’ve introduced you to grounding, calling back your own life force, tapping, and blowing up roses. As you learn to listen to your own internal truths, you will become less concerned with the “shoulds” of the world. What your neighbor thinks and the baggage you’ve been dragging around since childhood will take a back seat to your own internal wisdom. You will refine ways to set your attitude, consciously choose your thoughts and feelings, and stay grounded alongside other people’s energies. I truly believe that energy travels between people and that the thoughts and feelings of others can get “stuck” in our bodies, causing us to lose track of our own internal wisdom.

As we close out this month, spend some time thinking about how you want to treat yourself. What qualities are dear to your heart? Kindness? Gentleness? Compassion? Whatever comes to mind. Spend some time with these qualities. Look back over your Name Web and be amazed at how different you are already. Think of how easy that was once you committed to becoming a conscious creator of your own life.

Accept that you too can be gentle – compassionate – and kind to yourself.

Yes, YOU!

Give yourself permission to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Be as compassionate with your ups and downs, personal foibles and idiosyncrasies as you are with those around you. Remember that what you think and feel you will become.

Be you – shine bright!

Tapping It Out

17 February, 2014 — Posted in: How To Tame Your Inner Critic Leave a Comment

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As we work with the stories that make up our inner critic, it’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer we peel away the untruths, the expectations, the shoulds, in an effort to uncover our internal wisdom.

As you peel away layer after layer, you will begin to move deeper into some of the stickier phrases on your name web. Here the work becomes a little more intense. Some of the most cruel and destructive energies are jealousy, shame, and invalidation. They hide behind the judgment and value statements that others, either consciously or unconsciously, throw at us. These are the “shoulds” of life: “I think you should be this” or “Why aren’t you more like so and so?”

When parents are teaching a child to be safe in the world, they often inadvertently send this energy toward the one they love most. Parents may say, “We want more for you. We want you to be better than we are, smarter than we are, or richer than we are. We love you and want more for you.” While parents’ intention is one thing, their message may be another. The energy being transmitted to the child is: “You are not enough,” “You need to change,” “My love is conditional love,” “If you were different, I would love you more,” or “You are damaged and we need to fix you.” Shame is a result of not living up to this sort of expectation. You feel small, less than, unworthy. You don’t belong to the group.

I know you know this feeling.

In working with some of these deeper issues, it’s important to give yourself permission to find outside help in the form of therapist, energy workers, or healers to monitor you as you do your inner work. They can act as a neutral bystander gently reminding you to keep your distance from the emotions so they do not overwhelm you as you work to unravel some of the more difficult parts of your inner critic.

As I work with clients, I often choose to use a technique called Tapping. Tapping is a simple, effective tool somewhere between hypnosis, meditation, and acupressure that was first used by Roger Callahan, PhD, in the early 1980s. Callahan called it Thought Field Therapy (TFT). One of Callahan’s students, Gary Craig, developed a similar system of tapping that he called Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). Since then, tapping has been widely recommended as an effective technique to remove energy blocks. Recently the American Psychological Association (APA) granted continuing education credits for psychologists to study tapping, also known as energy psychology. Tapping is widely used by energy medicine practitioners such as Donna Eden and other professionals, including Joseph Mercola, an osteopathic physician (DO) and natural health practitioner.

Tapping moves the energy associated with a belief, releasing it from the body. When you tap, you say the belief aloud to bring up the corresponding emotion in the nervous system. Then you tap what we call “meridian points” to reset the system. Each meridian point is at the end of a nerve channel in the body. Tapping sends a shockwave down that channel that clears out the emotion residing there. When the emotion is gone, your mind no longer attaches to the belief. Suddenly your mind is free to re-process your emotional response, turning a negative into a positive.

In this video EFT Practitioner, Julie Schiffman, of Dr. Mercola’s Center for Natural Health demonstrates Tapping. You might want to view the video as you think of a phrase of your inner critic.

This is one of my go-to tools to help me keep my inner critic under control. I hope it works for you too.

It’s Time To Tame Your Inner Critic

4 February, 2014 — Posted in: How To Tame Your Inner Critic Leave a Comment

Isn’t it time to tame your inner critic and start to live your life on purpose? I’d love to spend this month exploring, in detail, the process I’ve gone through to tame my own inner critic. It really wasn’t that difficult once I understood that how I choose to think about myself makes all the difference. I know now that what I think and feel about myself is a process of choosing – being a conscious creator – of my life. But I had to start somewhere – and I had to have tools. I couldn’t have done this just by wishing and hoping for my inner critic to vanish. It’s too stubborn, too entrenched. Once I found the key, it all fell into place.

innercritic As with anything though, we have to start at the beginning. And the beginning is bringing our awareness to the exact nature of our thoughts and feelings. The following exercise (taken directly from Chapter 2 of my book) is a great place to start. You can’t change something until you understand what it is you want to change. For the rest of February, we will tackle this topic of taming the voice that is keeping you small.

Let’s do this together – let’s make 2014 the year that we drop the internal hatred and self-deprecation and replace it with living a life full of purpose and meaning.

Come with me on this journey of discovery – uncovering your true inner wisdom and knowingness.

Your Name Web

The following exercise, “Who Do You Think You Are?” will help to bring your core life story to the surface of your awareness so that you can examine it, keep the powerful statements that work for you, and let go of those parts that no longer serve you. In this exercise, we use a technique often called “mind-mapping”—a way of jotting down free associations. You’ll refer to this exercise over and over again, so you might want to highlight these instructions and record your initial work in your journal or on a piece of paper so that you’ll be able to easily retrieve your work for future reference.

Exercise 2.1: Who Do You Think You Are? (The Name Web)

Draw a circle in the middle of the page and write your name in that circle. Now, start writing down your associations with this word. Do this by drawing lines moving outward from your name. An association is any word or phrase that pops into your mind when you think about yourself.
Record both the positive and negative associations. You may find that a word triggers connections to other words or ideas. Write these down too, allowing one idea to flow freely into the next.
When you run out of associations, return to the center circle with your name in it and see what happens. Do this exercise quickly; don’t edit your thoughts. Your name web (or mind map) will look something like a spider web with all kinds of lines and words moving out from the center.
You might reflect upon:
- what you like most about being you
- some of your mother’s favorite phrases she used in describing you
- some of the descriptive words you use to describe yourself, such as being too shy, too short, or really clumsy
- phrases that your inner critic uses to describe you, such as, “I am so dumb,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m afraid they’ll find out my secret”
- phrases your best friend might use to describe you, such as, “You’re so compassionate,” “You listen well,” “You always say exactly what you mean”
After you’ve finished, you’ll have something that looks like a big web or net. Some associations form clusters full of descriptive words, others will stand alone.
Draw circles around the words with a repetitive tone or mood. You might find themes of unworthiness, resentment, or confusion. On the positive side, you might find themes of spontaneity or empathy. Other energies, such as love, health, or creativity may be mentioned. Write those repeating themes off to the side of your web.

This picture, or name web, with all of its associations and intricacies, is your personal model of how you see yourself operating in the world. This structure of knowing serves as a filter in every conversation or thought you have. Spend some time becoming conscious of how you speak and feel about yourself. Please don’t beat yourself up for having the thoughts and feelings that you do – just notice.

The next time your inner critic starts in, pause, and just witness the show. See if you can stand a little bit outside of yourself as you listen to the tirade. You will learn tools in the coming month, but the first step is always becoming conscious. So for now, be consciously aware of your internal dialog – that’s all.

Be Kind To Yourself

1 February, 2014 — Posted in: How To Tame Your Inner Critic Leave a Comment

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Do you ever say something kind to yourself?

Why is it that we are kind to our friends, kind to our pets, kind to the neighbors, and even kind to people we don’t particularly care for – but when it comes to ourselves – we allow our inner conversation to be full of mean, nasty and down right cruel thoughts?

Isn’t it time to stop the inner critic in its tracks? Isn’t it time to treat ourselves with as much kindness as we give to others? Isn’t it time to be kind to yourself?

You really are the creator of your own reality. Everything that is coming to you is a direct result of your thoughts, feelings, and internal dialog. For the next month, we will concentrate on how to remove the negative and replace it with positive, true, authentic statements about who you truly are.

To begin, it’s important to become aware of the thoughts we think and the feelings we feel when our inner critic takes hold.

Just as a test, for the day, jot down your random thoughts. Don’t censor, or judge them, just write them down. At the end of the day, look over your list and think again about the statement: What you think and feel, you will BE.

We will go through the month learning the hows, but for now, just rest in the knowing – this is the year – this is the month – to begin to treat yourself with kindness.