This month, to celebrate the release of my book Tame Your Inner Critic Find Peace & Contentment to Live Your Life On Purpose, I’m sharing some excerpts with you. I’ve particularly chosen passages that focus on relationships –the relationship we have with ourselves, and the relationships we have with our closest friends and family members.
The Energy of Relationship
In this society, we’re taught to be empathetic. To come from someone else’s perspective is to see them and to empathize. Often we think that walking in another man’s shoes, feeling someone else’s pain, is a prerequisite to seeing another person for who they truly are. We call this having a relationship. When we’re in a state of emotional empathy, we’re literally in someone else’s energetic space. We have left our own aura and are hanging out in our friend’s aura. We have intermingled our energies in an effort to be a good friend.
Now that you understand energy and auras, let’s take a fresh look at what happens when you jump into someone else’s space. Obviously, you’re hoping to help that person cope with a painful situation, but the truth is that you may not be helping them at all. If you’ve lost awareness of your own internal state, or if you’re so caught up in your friend’s emotional state that you cannot discern your own thoughts and feelings from theirs, then you may actually be doing more harm than good.
Jumping into a friend’s aura dilutes your own essence. You’re partly in your space, partly in theirs. You’re less potent because by intermingling, you’ve lost part of your own energy. And your friend is probably having a rough time differentiating their own feelings and their own truth from all that foreign energy—your energy—in their space.
I believe that by allowing friends to keep their own energy pristine and clear—even when they’re in a painful situation—they’ll be able to find the answer that satisfies their own needs, not yours. You would be a much better friend if you empathized from a distance. By consciously staying in your own space—not walking in others’ shoes, not feeling their pain—you’re able to see them as they truly are, and from this space of clarity you can offer them your pure empathy and understanding.
As an example, let’s say you are out to lunch with a group of friends. The talk turns to one person who will be undergoing minor surgery in the coming days. Most of the people at the table will immediately feel empathy for their friend. The dialogue may be one of commiseration; helpful hints will be offered as to how to this type of operation helped other people recover. All of these comments are meant to be supportive, but the energy attached to the suggestions may be tinged with pity, fear, or a sense of helplessness. Some people will even energetically jump into their friend’s space with the intense desire to be of service.
Instead, try staying in your own space and tuning into your own inner guidance system. Check in with your body and your emotions and ask for the energy of compassion to fill your aura. As this happens, you may be able to pick up on the exact phrase or words that would offer your friend true comfort and peace. Then offer those words to your friend, knowing that you’ve done your best to keep from sending unwanted judgments and value statements into your friend’s auric field.
Consciously Connecting with Friends
I teach clients to use a tool that helps them keep other peoples’ energies out of their space, while still acknowledging that life is all about relating. This tool is called a protection bubble, and it encases your aura in a protective layer or wrapper of impenetrable material. The purpose of this covering is to deflect foreign energy coming your way—before it can enter your aura—thus preventing people from unintentionally climbing into your space.
Subconsciously, as two people are relating to each other, they intuitively feel each other’s energy and reach into each other’s space. As your friend’s energy bumps up against your aura, you do not want her to be startled or annoyed that you no longer allow her energy into your space. But you do want to give her a psychically gentle reminder that you are not into co-mingling energies. Let’s try it.
Exercise 6.1: Creating Your Protection Bubble
- Sit in meditation with your eyes closed and your feet flat on the floor. Feel your grounding cord and your surrounding aura bubble filled with the energies of peace and stillness.
- In front of your closed eyes, see an image of yourself sitting in the middle of your aura. Check out the colors of your aura today.
- Now let’s design the protective coating for your aura. You can change the coating every day during your daily meditation, so don’t worry that it has to be perfect. Experiment; that’s the joy. See what works for you.
- Think about how you would like to prevent foreign energy from entering your aura. Sometimes I see a fine wire mesh surrounding my aura. This permeable membrane allows my own scattered energies to come in but keeps out others. Other times I envision a platinum coating sealing my aura from all outside influences. You might experiment by surrounding your aura in a bubble of glass or a protective coating of Teflon. You get to choose. Have fun, and fashion a protection bubble of your choosing.
- When someone thinks of you, his or her energy is coming your way, even from a long distance. Notice what happens to your aura’s protection bubble as it encounters outside energy. It may change color as it absorbs this energy, or the energy might just slide off the surface. Notice what you notice.
- No matter what it looks like right now, intend for that protective bubble to explode in front of you. See it utterly disappear. See your aura in front of you without protection.
- Create a new protection bubble in front of you. Design it to be just right for you today. Set the intention that it will work for you all day, deflecting any foreign energy before it can enter your aura. When you have it set in place, open your eyes and come out of meditation.
Every day as part of your morning meditation, put a new protection bubble around your aura. Know that it will work for you all day long by turning aside foreign energy before it enters your space.
If you’ve enjoyed this excerpt from the book, I hope you will consider adding it to your must-read list. And please share this post with a friend or two! Many blessings to you – from my heart to yours.