Gratitude Archives - Della Temple

Accepting Life Exactly As It Is

20 March, 2015 — Posted in: Gratitude Leave a Comment

5825403720_1b5edc1dc3_z “If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner

I’d like to share an excerpt from Tame Your Inner Critic Find Peace & Contentment to Live Your Life On Purpose about finding the good in every part of our lives.

Most people spend an inordinate amount of time making action plans, striving toward the next mark, pushing, reaching, and then going on vacation to get away from all of that stress and pressure. They cannot “have” their current state of affairs. They are in resistance to it, and what we resist, persists. Dreams are important, but so is being very conscious and present in the life that we have right now.

Being in havingness is accepting, with gratitude, the fullness of your life, just as it is, right here, right now, including the not-so-good parts. If you resist who you are right now, you are in a state of lack, not abundance. You have sent the signal, “I am resisting this, send me more of the same.” As an example, let’s say that you are single and not happy about the situation. You find yourself constantly wishing, hoping, and dreaming of finding a life partner. Your days are spent thinking about the future or re-hashing the past. If you are energetically “out there” searching for a mate, you cannot be fully present in your everyday life. You can’t have your current state of being single. You are sending the message to the Universe, “I’m searching for a mate.” And guess what? The Universe sends you energy of the same vibration: searching.

On the other hand, maybe you live far away from family and friends and are wishing and hoping for the day that you can move back home. As you pine away for what you are missing, think about whether you are energetically “here” or “there.” It might be that there are lots of activities and friends to be made in your current city if you decided to have your current situation.

Bring to mind something in your life that you are resisting right now. If you frequently think, “When such and such happens, I will be happy (or free, or out of debt, or not so alone),” you are resisting your present-time reality. Let’s work on that. Write down five things that you would like to change about your life. Maybe you don’t like your boss, or your apartment, or your roommate.

Exercise 8.1: Your Resistance to Current Circumstances

The first key to living a life full of purpose and meaning is to be able to have where we are right now. Once we are comfortable with our current circumstances, then we are able to take a step towards more. This exercise highlights those areas of our life where we have “low havingness,” an inability to be content with our present-time reality.

List the top five things that irk you.
Spend some time honestly assessing where you are in resistance to your current circumstances. You may be dreaming of a time when life will be different or constantly regretting something you did in the past. Consider whether you are so busy planning your future that you are missing the joys of today.
Once you have completed the list, use your tools to remove the associated thoughts and feelings from your aura. You might want to refer to exercise 2.3 and tap the story of why you are unhappy out of your system. You might want to put the energy of discontent in a rose and blow up the rose. Or you can send that old baggage of why your life is not the way you want it down your grounding cord. Whatever tool works best for you, use it.

[END EXERCISE]

Now ask yourself the question, “Am I happy with things just the way they are, right now, without exception?” Let us say you have asked the question, and your answer is, “Yes, I’m happy with the home I live in, my husband and kids are great, but my sister, with her constantly derogatory comments about my life choices, is driving me crazy.” You are in a state of appreciation of most things, but you are in a state of resistance to at least a portion of your life: your sister and the judgments she holds. Remember, she is your mirror, and she is offering you a chance to get to know a part of you that is asking to be experienced.

To move from resistance to appreciation, take a step back and look at the situation from a place of neutrality. As we detach from emotional drama, we can see ourselves honestly and not be tripped up by the stories that we have told ourselves—perhaps for years and years.

In the example above, your sister has not changed at all, but you, in your neutral state of detachment, have shifted your perspective. Your attitude is different, and that is the point. You are no longer focused on what you do not want, in this case reacting to your sister’s constant criticism of your life. You have moved from a grumbling state of mind, which has a lower vibration, to the higher vibrational frequency of allowance and appreciation. You have removed yourself from the drama. Through neutrality, you can stand back and look at the circumstances in a completely new light.

You may not condone your sister’s behavior, and you may not even like her—but you can accept her exactly as she is, with neutrality. That is moving from resistance to acceptance. You cannot escape from your life by wishing and hoping for your fairy godmother to magically whisk you away to a better life. That’s resistance too.

Havingness is accepting life exactly as it is, right in the moment. It is being in present time, with all of our emotional baggage. It’s also about being grateful for the lessons we’re learning from that baggage. Yes, that’s right. Be grateful for the messes, the pain, the hurt, or the abandonment you feel. Acknowledge it. Don’t run away from it. See it. Make peace with what is. Be in the present moment and appreciate with gratitude all parts of your life.

Spending time in gratitude for all that is going well in life is also important. The more attention we place on the positive aspects of any situation, the more we magnetize similar thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. This is not a Pollyanna way of being. There are several scientific studies that show that being grateful for what is going well in our life actually raises the level of our “happiness quotient.”

If you’ve enjoyed this excerpt from the book, I hope you will consider adding it to your must-read list. And I hope you will share this post with a friend or two! Many blessings to you – from my heart to yours.

Making Peace With What Is

15 March, 2015 — Posted in: Gratitude Leave a Comment

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“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” — Epictetus, Greek sage and Stoic philosopher

Four years ago this week my son Rick died in a solo car accident. I posted the following in June of that year as a very short blog post.

Making peace with what is; not what could be, should be, or isn’t.

Being in the present moment and appreciating with gratitude all that I have, right here, right now, leaves me with a quiet sense of contentment.

I think when we yearn for peace, harmony and contentment what we are really striving for is something that is outside of ourselves.

If we just looked within through meditation, quiet contemplation or prayer, we would find IT.

Can you imagine what this world would be like if we all rejoiced for those things which we have?

While I was thinking of my loss, my sorrow, my pain at the time, I think this post is relevant to more than just the pain of losing a loved one.

At the time, I was reflecting on how to live without the story of what could have been, what should have been, and what would never be. I was stumbling into the world of living without.

I’ve come to think that the deep sorrow we feel with someone’s passing is a mixture of the physical pain of separation and the emotional pain of saying good bye to the story – the story of how we imagined life would be. The searing pain of separation is lessened as we make peace with what is – not with what we wanted it to be or what it “should” have been.

Making peace with death, his physical death and the death of the story of how I pictured him living his life, came to me as I surrounded myself in gratitude. As I wrapped myself in a cocoon of gratitude for his crinkled smile, his big hairy feet and his infectious playfulness, as I rested in the energy of gratitude for having him in my life, for even a short while, I came to a place of peace, contentment, and acceptance.

Whenever the stories of what could have been or what should have been creep into my consciousness, I wrap them in the energy of gratefulness – for all that I did have, for all that he was.

Thank you Rick – for being my son, even for such a short while. I am a wiser, gentler being because you chose me as your mom. Namaste – I see you for the shining light that you are.

Thanks for reading, and if this post resonated with you, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet helps me reach more people who crave support in being as kind to themselves as they are to others. Thank you.

My Gratefulness Mantra

10 March, 2015 — Posted in: Gratitude Leave a Comment

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.— Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of “Simple Abundance”

We take so many things for granted. Look around you. Appreciate all that you have. Oftentimes we see with eyes full of lack. We say to ourselves, “I don’t have what I want. My house isn’t big enough, clean enough, pretty enough. My job isn’t full of passion and my life isn’t what I had planned.”

And all those statements may be true. You may want a bigger, cleaner, prettier house. Your life may not be what you had planned. But if you see through the eyes of lack you will stay in the energy of lack.

Instead, acknowledge that all those statements are true – while simultaneously being grateful for what you do have. You have a house; a roof over your head when it snows, with indoor plumbing no doubt. Your paycheck allows you to buy food, clothing and some not-so-essential items like nights out with friends or an extra pair of shoes.

Be grateful. Yes, you can want more, but leave the craving, and the striving-after behind. Come from a place of accepting all that is and be full of appreciation for what you do have. As you consciously give thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life, the more that will be given to you.

Exercise: My Gratefulness Mantra

List the 10 items, events, circumstances that you currently have that fill you with gratitude.
Post this list in a conspicuous place so that you keep it top of mind.
Every time you glimpse this list, say a silent prayer such as, “Thank you God for my many blessings”. Make this mantra full of meaning. Don’t just say the words, really feel the words and mean it.
That’s the secret. As you bow in gratefulness to all that you do have –all the blessings already present in your life – more blessings flow your way.

This has become part of my daily way of being. Throughout my day, I pause in gratefulness for all that I have. And every time I begin down the road of craving, striving, wishing for more, I stop and return to my mantra of “Thank you God for my many blessings.” Then I add a little bit about what I’m appreciating in that moment – it could be my home, the laughter of friends, or the beautiful view from my screen porch. And as I say and feel this mantra of gratitude, I know that I can also desire more. But for right here, right now, being grateful for what I do have is enough.

What are you grateful for today?

I am grateful that you are here! Thanks for being a part of this journey of discovery – finding ways to live our lives on purpose and in a meaningful way. If this post resonated with you, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet helps me reach more people who crave support in being as kind to themselves as they are to others. So glad you’re here!

Conscious Grieving During the Season of Merriment

14 December, 2014 — Posted in: Gratitude 5 Comments

The holiday season is not always a time of candy canes and festive gatherings. For many, it’s a time of remembering and grieving loved ones that are no longer with us.

My 29-year-old son died three years ago, and I’ve yet to decide how I want to celebrate this season of merry making and good cheer. I don’t feel cheerful –yet. Maybe someday, but not today.

That first year, as I approached the beginning of the holiday season, I gave myself permission to set the pace, choosing those events that I could deal with and leaving the rest behind. It was my time to heal, and I found it necessary, for once, to think of myself first. I learned to speak up and set my boundaries.

I spent time alone in meditation, and I hiked our mountain road. I took our dog for long walks, read, and tried to be fully present each day, allowing the flow of thoughts to penetrate but not stick. I cried. I talked to my Spirit Son about how much I missed him. I wallowed a bit in why-did-this-have-to-happen-to-me.

Grieving takes many shapes, and it has many layers. I thought about my life and all my stories that are untrue. I had to let them go and accept what was. As Byron Katie says, “Who would you be without the story?”

So, I asked myself, “Who would I be without the story that the holiday season is about large family gatherings? Who would I be without the story that it isn’t Christmas if one of us is permanently missing? Who would I be without the story of candy canes and good cheer?”

I thought about gratitude. I wondered if I could find at least some little thing to be grateful for. It took longer than I ever would have imagined getting to the place of saying, “Yes, I have a room in my heart today for more than just grief.” I have a daughter to love. I have a husband who adores me. I have friends to share a cup of tea with and I have pottery to keep my hands occupied. I have a home. I have a dog. I have freedom. I have food. I have love. I have so very much to be grateful for. And who would I be without the story? I’d be peaceful and grateful and in love with those people and things that love me.

As I come up to the fourth holiday season without my son, I am still waiting for a new story to unfold; a new way of marking this season of magic and miracles. I am exploring ways of celebrating that are in alignment with who I am now. Every year I inch into this new-story and bit by bit my family is making new memories.

It is taking longer than I would have imagined to become comfortable with this new way of being. But as I walk this path of sorrow, I do so consciously and in choice. Every moment of every day I consciously choose how I want to be.

May you be at peace with where you are in this journey called Life. Namaste.

Gratitude Magic and Miracles – Even On the Darkest Days

6 December, 2014 — Posted in: Gratitude 1 Comment

There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

I used to feel disconnected from the magic and miracles of life until I made a commitment to the practice of being in an (almost) constant state of gratitude.

What I’ve learned in my daily practice is this: When you shift your focus to seeing the magic and miracles in the little things, you open the door for your whole life to transform.

Long ago, I kept a gratitude journal. Every morning I would list five things I was grateful for. But after a while I stopped journaling lists. Because everything I listed was a thing, not a feeling. It began to feel like a young girl’s night time prayer: “I am thankful for Mama, and Papa and of course the new baby brother that I don’t even like.”

My gratitude journal became a chore. And of course that’s not what gratefulness is all about. Gratitude is a feeling – a deep gut level acknowledgment of beauty, magic, miracles, grace, and love.

So I stopped keeping a list – and just started living from this feeling state as much as I could each day, every day.

Most days it is pretty easy to come from the state of wonder and magic, seeing the beauty in the most simplest things – ocean waves pounding the rock wall, a friend’s smile when you walk into the room, or a baby’s joyous laugh and gurgle .

And, I find that I can be in gratitude for even the hiccups of life. Even on the most tumultuous days such as today -when a close friend loses a son – and all the old sorrows of my son’s death come tumbling to the surface.

If I stop and allow the deep emotions of my loss and hers to intertwine in a dance of grief, longing, sorrow, and compassion, I find the magic and miracles – there – right below the surface. The magic of having someone else who understands the deep searing pain of losing a child. The miracle of knowing that my son and hers are alive as soul-brothers in another realm. The gratitude that I can walk by her side as she navigates this year of becoming something else – something more – something deeper and wiser and oh so exquisitely beautiful.

Every day there’s a chance to step into, and live from, this state of gratitude. Even on the darkest of days, such as today.