Claiming Your Authentic Life Archives

A Simple Life – Redux

30 August, 2015 — Posted in: Claiming Your Authentic Life Leave a Comment

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series on Simplicity and the Art of Saying No. Yes, saying no is an art – and not an easy one at that! Here’s the last of the articles from last summer’s series. Enjoy!

Repost from July 20, 2014 A Simple Life

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar. ― Victoria Moran, Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty

Simplicity means different things to different people. But at the core I believe it means getting rid of the unnecessary so the necessary can speak.

Not as easy as it sounds. Remember it’s a process of finding those things, people and events that bring you joy. And living there. Permanently.

So where to start? For me, it starts with figuring out the four to five absolutely must-do, must-be items in your life. We use this as the standard bearer and measure everything in our lives to it.

Make a list of your top 4-5 important things. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life? Simplifying starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things. See post here for an activity that will help you determine what those items are.
Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much. See posts here and here on how to say no and have it stick. Check Your Calendar and To-Do List. Pull out your calendar and really look at everything you’ve committed to over the next three months. This includes work, home, kid’s activities, exercise classes, hobbies, and social activities. Everything. Now place your list of the top 4-5 important things (#1) beside this list and circle those commitments that are in alignment. Here’s the hard part: cancel, drop out, back-out or get-out-whatever-way-you-can from those activities that aren’t circled. See how to get rid of resistance here.
Learn to say yes – to you! Check your boundaries. Are you leaking life force energy in an effort to please others? Most of the work we’ve done in taming the inner critic is really about learning to say yes to yourself – believing in your own self-worth – as you set aside those stories about what others think you should do. See these previous posts for help in filling in with your own life force energy, grounding out the shoulds of others and tapping on the stories of self-judgment.
Do your interior work. Meditate, tame your inner demons, quiet your mind. Clear out the center of your head and let your highest and best self be your guide. If you are not meditating daily, then find a way to do that. Take a class in meditation, listen to your favorite audio, sign up for a class in energy awareness (here’s one I love: Self Healing 101).
Do the exterior work. Declutter your home, simplify your work tasks, leave the dust bunnies undisturbed. Cut down on noise pollution, check your email and social media sites less frequently. Stop the junk mail, give away lots of stuff to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Give yourself space – literally! Stop Keeping Up with the Joneses – who are these guys anyway? I believe “the Jones family” was a Madison avenue marketing ploy to get us to buy more products. Don Draper, did you do this to us?? Stop comparing yourself, your life, your children to some made-up set of standards.

Guard your time and prioritize your commitments. Make a promise to yourself to put your time, attention, love and energy towards only those people, events and things that bring you joy. That’s the simple life; putting first things first.

I believe that we have a choice every single day of our lives in what we give our attention to. This past month we’ve explored the energy of “no” and how to make our “no” stick. As we move into Fall and all the activities that this time of year brings, let’s stay out of Crazy Busy and find ways to eliminate the unnecessary so that we make room for the truly important parts of our life.

Colorful Soap Bubbles and Learning to Say No

25 August, 2015 — Posted in: Claiming Your Authentic Life Leave a Comment

Last summer I did a series of posts on Simplicity –how to eliminate the busyness and the unnecessary tasks from our lives so we have time and energy for the important things. The posts that received the most attention were the ones I wrote on learning to say no. So this month, I’m reposting them in the hopes that we all learn to set boundaries and stop leaking our energy out to others.

Repost June 25, 2014 Moving Through Resistance

This month we are looking at the energy of simplicity. How to lead a simple life, with less stress and less shoulds. As we remove the busyness and replace it with activities that feed our soul, we flourish. We become more of who we are meant to be.

But it’s not easy to leave the old ways. Saying no to the shoulds of life is difficult; it’s so easy to slip back into old habits. Therefore, I would like to offer some suggestions on how to make new behaviors stick.

Anytime we move from where-we-are to where-we-want-to-be, we feel resistance. It is almost as if the status quo has a magnetic force of its own. If this force is stronger than our desire to make a change, we fall back into alignment with where-we-were-before—and all our hard work, all our new ways, are forgotten. We return to the womb of comfort and security and rationalize away our attempted growth.

We don’t want that to happen. Anytime you get that nagging feeling that a new behavior (especially learning to say no) is too much, too difficult, too unsettling, ask yourself whose voice is in your head. It could be your mother’s voice, or your partner’s voice. Once you have named that voice, use your tools to remove that energy from your space. Tap on the story, or put the voice in a rose and blow up the rose.

Say to that voice, “Oh, I know you. You are the voice trying to keep me small. I think I’ve outgrown the need for your protection now, so please leave me alone.” If you feel resistance in your space, sit with that resistance in meditation. Ask it to tell you its name and why it is in your life. You might be surprised by what you hear.

In the next exercise, I suggest a way to visualize your feelings as colors and how to retain the colors that represent your best self while allowing colors that don’t support you to drain away.

Exercise: Colorful Soap Bubbles

Think of one of the changes that you are having a hard time making stick. Maybe you said no to attending your son’s out-of-town soccer game yesterday, but today you are about to pick up the phone and change your “no” to a “yes.” Or maybe you thought you were committed to simplifying your life, but now you’ve hit an obstacle and your enthusiasm is waning. Whatever situation you find yourself in, it’s possible to use your intuition to remove any energy blocks preventing you from living your life your way. Let’s remove that resistance so that you can stay on the path you’ve chosen.

Sit in silence, with your eyes closed. Be in the center of your head, grounded to the earth. [If you need to review this post]. Allow yourself a moment to settle. Become relaxed and comfortable, and take a couple of deep breaths. On each inhale, feel more of your own energy coming into the center of your head. On each exhale, feel the stresses of the day, the foreign energy, leave your body and travel back down to the earth. Sink a little deeper in your chair as you come into alignment with the in-and-out motion of centering and grounding.
Now think of the change you would like to make and the resistance you feel to making that change permanent. Maybe you’ve said no to something and now you want to change your no back to a yes. For example, let’s assume that you have decided to not attend your son’s away soccer game this weekend. You’ve said no, but you’re just about to change your no back to a yes.
As you sit in meditation, imagine the bubble representing your situation in front of you. See it filled with color. If you cannot see it clearly, don’t worry; just imagine what it would be like if you could see it. Relax and allow your imagination to flow. You might have a sense of just knowing or imagining colors. Relax and go with it.
Let’s say that as you bring the bubble representing your decision to not attend the soccer game into focus, you notice that it is filled with a mixture of dark blue and chaotic-looking gray. You can’t see anything else because these two colors are so dominate. You might ask yourself what all of this means; thoughts might float through your mind. Don’t discount those thoughts. They are real. Maybe the dark blue represents “should” energy to you, and the chaotic gray symbolizes being overwhelmed by guilt.
As you come to understand the energy surrounding your situation, decide if you’d like to change its vibration. Wasn’t this saying no instead of yes supposed to lead to simplifying life?
In order to change the dynamics of the energies, put a grounding cord on your bubble. Imagine a large, hollow tube with one end attached to the bubble and other end attached to the center of the earth. Allow this grounding cord to drain out all the dark, not-you colors from your bubble. Watch as seriousness, effort, and guilt flow down the grounding cord and leave your bubble.
Once it’s drained of all those dark, hard-to-see-through colors, fill your “saying no and meaning it” bubble with more light and playful colors. Lighten up! Give yourself room to feel good about doing something for yourself – fill in with joy and self-acceptance. Watch your bubble fill in with your chosen colors, and feel the calmness spread into your body and mind.
Remove the grounding cord and allow the bubble to float off into the ether.
When you are ready, come out of meditation.

You’ve changed the dynamics of your situation by changing its energetic vibration. Instead of feeling guilty about saying no to the out of town soccer game, you are now full of self-validation, joy and ease.

Anytime you find yourself fighting with the energy of resistance, step into meditation and examine that energy.

This is using your intuition to remove any resistance to moving into new states of being. Congratulate yourself. You’ve just learned a really cool way to remove the blocks to living life the way you want to: simplified, yet full of events that satisfy your own priorities, not someone else’s.

This energy tool (and many others) are featured in my book, Tame Your Inner Critic Find Peace & Contentment to Live Your Life on Purpose.

Read more about the book HERE.

Saying Yes Meaning No

20 August, 2015 — Posted in: Claiming Your Authentic Life Leave a Comment

Saying Yes Meaning No is on hot topic! Last summer I did a series of posts on Simplicity –how to eliminate the busyness and the unnecessary tasks from our lives so we have time and energy for the important things. The posts that received the most attention were the ones I wrote on learning to say no. So this month, I’m reposting them in the hopes that we all learn to set boundaries and stop leaking our energy out to others.

Repost June 22, 2014 Saying Yes But Meaning No

Simplifying our life is really all about setting boundaries and sticking to them. Determining what’s important to us – to ourselves and our families – and not allowing other peoples’ needs to interfere. This is hard. This is difficult. And this is important.

Often we say yes when we really want to say no because we want to please the other person, either to gain their approval or to prove our worth to them.

Each time we do this we place more value on how they view us than we do on how we view and value ourselves.

Think back to the last time you said yes when you really wanted to say no. Close your eyes and imagine yourself right back in that same situation. How did your body feel? Did you feel energized or drained? Did you feel full of love and helpfulness or did you feel full of shoulds and must dos?

As an example, I have a hard time saying what I truly want when I know that the other person feels differently. I want to please them. I want them to like me. Every time I say yes when I really mean to say no, I feel my life force energy actually moving out of my body and aura and into theirs as I think, “Yes, I’ll do what you want me to do because I really, really, really want you to approve of me.”

Has this ever happened to you?

If you are leaking your energy out to others in shoulds and must-do’s, then you are depleting your own life force – and that’s not healthy.

Before you say yes when you really want to say no, stop and breathe. Give yourself time to think and ask yourself why you want to say yes.

Are you seeking their approval?

Do you feel guilty just thinking about saying no?

Does this yes fit within your priorities? (Don’t know your priorities?See this post.)

Allow your intuition to be your guide. If your stomach is queasy and your energy is suddenly depleted, that’s a sure sign that this request is not in alignment with your own needs. And there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first. Remember what the flight attendant always says, “Place your own oxygen mask on first, then help someone else do the same.”

Above all, don’t feel guilty about saying no! Practice. Have your phrases ready. Make a list of how you would say no, and use that list.

Simplifying your life is learning to let go of those things, those people, and those shoulds that are not life-sustaining. This is when saying no and sticking to it is such a powerful tool. It’s major league boundary setting.

It all boils down to self-worth. How much do you value your time and your priorities? Are you looking outside for validation or are you looking within?

Thanks for being a part of this journey of discovery – finding ways to live our lives on purpose and in a meaningful way. If this post resonated with you, please share it on your favorite social networks.

Every share, like or tweet helps me reach more people who crave support in being as kind to themselves as they are to others.

Find Your Yes

15 August, 2015 — Posted in: Claiming Your Authentic Life Leave a Comment

Last summer I did a series of posts on Simplicity and the importance of learning to live a life in alignment with your purpose, not someone else’s. The posts that received the most attention were the ones I wrote on learning to say no. So this month, I’m reposting them in the hopes that we all learn to eliminate the unnecessary from our lives

repost June 19, 2014 Finding Your Yes (Before You Say No)

So how are you doing so far? Have you found a way to say no and make it stick?

I believe it’s especially hard for women that have been raised to be “nice” to learn to put themselves first. When I’ve broached this subject with clients they often say, “I don’t feel comfortable saying no to a friend. Isn’t it the height of selfishness to say no?”

My answer to them is this: “Before you say no, find your yes.” Every opportunity is a choice; saying no to one thing allows you to say yes to something else − something that you’d prefer to do or something more important to you in the long run.

But first you have to know what your priorities are. If you’ve done a Statement of Being, you are halfway there. If not, then here’s an exercise to help you set those priorities in place.

Close your eyes and imagine that you had a magic wand allowing you to add 5 hours to every day.

How would you fill those five hours?

You might choose to spend some of that extra time playing with your kids or talking with the people closest to you. Maybe you would take an art class or find time to do tai chi or yoga. Maybe you would take a walk every morning in the park or sit down with your favorite cup of tea and a good book in the evenings.

Or maybe you would spend this extra time asleep! We are a sleep-deprived society and I believe a majority of these tired-to-the-core individuals are women, especially those that can’t say no.

However you’ve chosen to spend these imaginary five hours, they are your “yesses” – your priorities –the things you are missing out on right now.

As we simplify our lives, these are the activities that we want to add to our day– and until those imaginary five extra hours actually appear – we will have to make hard choices – often.

So write them down. Keep your priority list in the forefront of your mind. Validate that you are in choice every moment of every day.

Before you are caught saying yes when you really want to say no, pause and think of your priorities. Give yourself permission to say no with clarity and grace. You don’t have to explain, you just have to open your mouth and utter the one word, “No”. That’s all. You can do it gently and with a smile, knowing that you are actually saying yes to simplicity and living life the way you want to live it.

“In the end only three things matter – how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” ~Buddha

What have you let go of?

Making Your “No” Stick

10 August, 2015 — Posted in: Claiming Your Authentic Life Leave a Comment

Last summer I did a series of posts on Simplicity – “Eliminating the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak” (Hans Hofmann). The posts that received the most attention were the ones I wrote on learning to say no. So this month, I’m reposting them in the hopes that we all learn to eliminate the unnecessary from our lives.

repost from June 15, 2014 The Art of Saying No

If you are to prune any activities from your busy overly scheduled life, you need to learn the art of saying “no.” And yes, saying no is an art! It’s all about coming from your own heart, not leaking your energy out to others in shoulds and must-do’s.

For most of us, this is still a difficult assignment. Practicing in front of a mirror might make it easier. Say to yourself, “You know I’d love to help out with this project, but I just can’t. I’m way overbooked.” Or, “Gee, I’m so sorry, but I can’t take that on right now.” Period … end of sentence. You do not need to justify why you can’t, you just need to say no. Leave no doubt, no room for maneuvering. You want to be clear in your no while coming from a place of compassion and honesty.

Removing the energy blocks from your voice and throat will help too. As you say “no,” imagine the words flowing out of your throat in crystal-clear color, surrounded by warmth, honesty, and clarity. Saying no with clarity and gentleness allows you to stand in your own power.

Practice saying no. Write about your experiences. Validate your clarity, your strength, and the compassion you hold for yourself. Make your no stick. Make it permanent. Make it definitive. Come from your heart and mean it. No going back.

A well-known proverb says, “All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.” Pruning your list of activities will result in new growth. New ways of being. New opportunities to be more of who you were meant to be. Weeding out the activities and shoulds that are not in alignment with your essence will allow you room to breathe. To think. To listen. To be present in the now.

So practice saying no. Practice standing in your own power and not leaking it to someone else. Know that as you prune back to the essentials—to the activities that are in alignment with your internal wisdom—you will blossom. Make room in your life for you.

As with any difficult assignment, validate your progress. Make a list of all those shoulds that you are ready to let go of. Write them all down. Look at this list as you plan your calendar for the next few weeks. Rejoice in your ability to set your own agenda.

I am grateful that you are here! Thanks for being a part of this journey of discovery – finding ways to live our lives on purpose and in a meaningful way. If this post resonated with you, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet helps me reach more people who crave support in being as kind to themselves as they are to others.